At this time of year, I try to espouse the secular values of respect, humility, honesty, charity and forgiveness. And despite the allegedly cheery, oversized inflatable plastic snowmen, the strands of energy-smart twinkling lights and the shaggy tawdry garlands of maroon tinsel decorating the neighbourhood, I am shrouded in melancholic reflections surrounding distant family members and friends; gatherings that did or didn’t happen.
It’s the end of one year and the start of another. I undertake a somewhat un-compassionate self-examination of successes and failures in relationships. It’s a time of stocktaking. I have a fresh decade ahead of me to improve myself, to become more loving, kinder and more patient.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “staying in my lane”. What does it mean exactly and is it a good strategy? The Merriam-Webster definition states:
“The phrase stay in your lane is used as a term of admonishment or advice against those who express thoughts or opinions on a subject about which they are viewed as having insufficient knowledge or ability.”
I wonder, who gets to decide what lane you are in?
My view of what is my lane is a nuanced and fluctuating thing. How do I know that I am in the right lane?
Often, three mornings a week, I am shrouded in the steaming scent of chlorine and the echoing splashes from swimmers in the six lanes at the local pool. I am a striving thrashing learner who is longing for the gentle athletic grace of the other talented and accomplished swimmers of the Master’s Swim Club.
Lane Six is a new lane for me. I share it with several women and we all come to swimming from different backgrounds, with different compromising mid-life injuries and abilities. Here in Lane Six, we share the common goal of improving, being the best we can be. Is this the right lane for me? Will it be my lane next year? Will I learn to see my advancements rather than my deficiencies?
I do notice the effects the pain-free exercise is having on my brain and body. The rhythmic movements, the adrenaline surges and the moving meditation restore my clarity and concentration and provide the resiliency I may need to navigate the unknown chaos of the remainder of the day. I wonder if I am fixing, improving or simply maintaining my mind and body?
What is your lane is an evolving process. I would not have considered even trying Lane Six a few years ago. Rather than knowing what your lane is, I think it is more important to learn how to recognize an opportunity to try out a new lane.
A changing-lanes-in-a-construction-zone-in-heavy-traffic simile works well here. Do you need to change lanes? What is motivating you? Do you have the skills? Is this the right time? Are there experiences and mentoring that you should pursue so that you can change lanes effectively? How will you know that the new lane is the right one for you? Do you need to know that? Is there anything you can be doing to make staying in the same lane better for you? Are you afraid to stay? Are you afraid to change? What about both?
And what about advice to others? Social media allows us to spout off ill-considered and poorly informed opinions to an audience we do not know and will never meet. Perhaps a bit of civility and restraint in reflex expression of opinion and criticism of others is indicated? It goes back to Franklin Covey and “first seek to understand.”
So I wish you all well for the New Year. My goals for the New Year and decade are to learn as much as I can in the lanes that I travel and I have to admit that perhaps I do dabble in too many lanes. I will try to dig deeper into the ones I am in.